Like Home
by Mileycfan4eva
Summary: Life for Jalton raising their family, balancing their time as a couple, as Soldiers. Whatever life throws at them they can over come together at least that's what Jaz tells herself in the quite dawn when he's asleep and she's fighting off the demons of her past. Can they though when life throws the cruelest twist at them.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: April 13th 2016**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _Raise your glasses fools"_

I held my glass up looking towards each of my guys. Joseph Mcg McGuire, Amir Al- Raisani, Ezekiel Preach Carter, Adam "Tops" Dalton. Each one were giving me their own version of glares as they drank from their bottles.

" _Fools?"_ McGuire arched his eyebrow as he addressed me " _Have you looked in the mirror kid?"_

Hands gently tossed me from all directions. I shock my head swaying to the beat of the music. Taking in the brilliant glow of the moonlight which was so beautiful mixtures of orange, yellow and red. Washing over the Grey/ brown earth tones. I savored the feeling of luck sitting on top of the picnic table; I let the warmth wash over me. Sipping from my beer bottle enjoying the music the laughter of my guys as they each took their turns joking at my expense.

There's a lot for me to be grateful for something I couldn't always say in my life. After our last tour when we almost lost it all. Well I think we all felt a little different about our lives. We all come from different back-rounds, we all have different life stories, each of us have our own reasons for wanting to join the military.

In the end though we all took that scared oath we all promised to serve to protect and honor. No one knows what it takes or costs to give their life to the military except those who actively do it. For some it's a sense of duty honor a way to give thanks to their country who gives so much for them. Some do it for the money because hell if you can make it even twenty years in this life, if you are lucky enough to come home at the end of it all. You can make out with enough to retire early. If you are good at saving that is.

Some do it because they grew up with nothing they weren't good at school didn't excel at sports. They had no real shot at college. They didn't want to be stuck working at a dead end job. Some were on the wrong path and decided to make a change. The military provides structure discipline. Some do it because they watched in horror on September 11th 2001 while Terrorists took claim to our land. Driving two planes into the twin towers destroying two American symbols and murdering over 3,000 of our hard working innocent people. They died horrible painful deaths being trapped inside burning buildings which slowly collapsed over agonizing hours. While the rest of us watched in shock horror disbelief. How could this happen on our land? To our people? Some jumped from the buildings not wanting to be burned alive. They died upon impact of hitting the ground many already on fire.

Regardless of anyone's reasons for joining the fact is when you sign up you give up certain rights, you trade a life of security, stability for traveling never knowing if the last mission will be your last. No one could know what it's really like no matter how many people you talk to, or how many videos you watch. None of us think will die, we know it could happen but humans have this ability to adapt and project.

Last tour hit it home for us first there was my best friend Elijah Jarlath "EJ" Villains who gave the ultimate sacrifice. We entered a building laced with IUD's. We were joking shoving each other we took our eyes off the mission for just a few seconds. Tops kept warning us to stop fooling around he was on the other side with Preach. McGuire was behind us by a few feet making sure no one followed us.

Elijah entered first he never got to get me back for the sarcastic remark I made about his precious hair. He never even saw the pressure plate it went off under his foot. His body flew back with such force into my chest that my gun slipped from my hand going off. I can still taste the gun powder smell the blood as it drained from EJ's body. His eyes closed for the final time only seconds after the explosion his final words to me were. "I owe you"

Next was Tehran, Iran where I made one mistake, I almost cost us the whole mission. We were forced to take risks. I was captured in the midst of killing our target, for three days. I was held at knife point tied to a chair beaten into submission, tortured for information.

Your trained to with stand it at least you think you are. Nothing can ever prepare you for what it's like to be separated from your team. Held by strangers who hate you for simply being who you are standing for what you believe in. The means of torture they used on me have still left their marks. Time can't heal them, nothing can replace those memories.

The sound of the gun going off inches from my ear. I still get ringing occasionally. The smell of my own blood as it drained from my body after I was craved up. Feeling Arthur's hands exploring my body as I was passed out knowing what he wanted to do to me. Hearing his words as he threatened me knowing my own country gave me up. Knowing I was just colloidal damage that the U. S government would sweep under their flag. Their lips would never mention my name when they sit down for Sunday dinners. No news channel would ever call me a hero because I got caught, I failed.

My body would be burned on Foreign soil to cheers from Iranians who viewed me as a threat. I never broke though, not once even when I knew my team would leave without me. That's what protocol would dictate. In a way I was happy at least they would be safe, I could die in peace knowing they were far away. I could never live knowing I cost them their lives.

I was rescued I was one of the lucky ones, my team never gave up on me hell they broke laws to make sure I came home. Changed forever but safe in their arms, in their hearts. I carry those scars with me though; we all do.

Preach came to sit next to me wrapping an arm around my shoulders, laying my head on his. I let his sheer size comfort me. Another reason to feel lucky. We had barely recovered from Iran when Alex Hoffman came into our lives. The ex- partner of our boss Patricia Campbell our deputy director. We needed him to help us save a 16 year old girl who was being held capture. In saving her though we almost lost both Patricia and Preach when Alex rigged an explosive device inside our base he escaped of course but both Patricia and Preach almost died.

Shortly after we started our leave I went on my own to Ireland I needed a break from everything, everyone. I only saw them once at Preach's house for our annual BBQ where I made another choice. Tonight was our first night back of our new tour. I should be on top of the world instead I couldn't stop staring at Tops. He was manning the grill as usual Patton trying to get food by looking cute begging. Ever since Tehran our relationship has changed.

I can't put it into words. I can't pin point how I feel about it, or tell you the precise moment when it dawned on me that he no longer trusted me. I can tell you that it hurts like hell worse than any knife craved into my skin.

Not just because Tops is the only CO who didn't look at me and see a woman first but because he's the only man who looked at me and didn't see a woman and think she's not Superior. Somehow Adam got into my heart which had hardened over the years.

He cracked my chest bones he made me feel things I had never felt about anyone. Adam showed me how to love myself, how to give myself my freely. I never had anyone who gave a damn about me not growing up, not as a woman and not as a solider. With these guys though I learned I was valuable, that my life had meaning.

When Tops went dark after the explosion I learned just how much I needed him wanted him. The fear penetrated me on so many levels. As a woman fear of rejection was always there for me my dad rejected me from birth because I was born a girl. My mom tried to be there but in the end she loved her life as a singer more than she did me. Rejected for the rock star life, I guess that was the ultimate Mic drop of all.

" _Let Jaz talk everyone"_ Smiling tightly at Preach I felt my throat contracting with anxiety like a cat with sharpened claws trying to get your attention. Tops wouldn't even look at me. He was laughing with Amir teasing the damn dog. Anything to avoid my eyes. His own eyes were so beautiful sparkling like the Caribbean sea full of warmth security love and laughter.

What did his silence mean? Was he going to transfer me? Why have me on his team if he didn't trust me. Sweat dripped down my body soaking my tank top my skin was over heated even with the slight breeze of the April air.

Now he was in a sit up contest with McG dear god was he trying to kill me? Those biceps glistened in sweat those nipples shook as his rock hard abs rippled in fierce determination. " _I need another drink"_

" _I'll grab a cold one Jaz"_

" _No something stronger Amir"_

He looked at each one of us as Tops whooped in victory laughing while McG pouted declaring he cheated. Preach held up his hands laughing. " _No way Jaz you remember the last time you and Villains did jaggershots"_

I laughed recalling the bits and pieces of that night from two and half years ago. Tops was so mad he banned all booze for the rest of the tour. Elijah and I were put on bathroom cleaning duty.Which for a woman and a gay man that was it's own brand of torture.

" _What happened I want to know!"_ Amir whined like a teenage girl color burned my face. " _Ever seen that Katy Perry video for TGIF?"_ Preach asked him Amir nodded eyes going wide covering his mouth laughing as I remembered Elijah waking up naked with just pink feathers over his body.

" _No_ _t_ _Jagger shots I'm thinking"_

" _Flaming Dr. Pepper shots? No way Jaz!"_

" _Yes way dude this is happening"_

I set to work mixing the different alcohol's one advantage of being a team that is suppose to be invisible. We often got to sneak under the radar and import things that other teams had to keep track of. McG was still pouting over his loss.

Turning to him I rolled my eyes hissing " _Did you except any less dude look at his biceps"_ I motioned for him to glance at our Captain who's arms were crossed over his chest. He was throwing some toy for Patton to chase. He barely broke a sweat unlike me I was soaked my face blazing, throat dry.

" _Looks like you could sue a strong drink to wash away the stink of loser McG"_

" _Looks like you could use your own drink Khan for a ninja you sure don't hide your eye orgasms very well when you look at Tops"_

More color rushed to my checks quickly my eyes found Tops who was still too far away to hear. Letting out a sigh of gratefulness. I glared at Mcguire, Preach and Amir who were all were sitting on the table close enough to hear. Preach raised an eyebrow stifling a chuckle. Amir patted my back in sympathy. I watched as Tops used one free hand to move his hair away from his eyes he had shaved on leave. His hair was shorter now in back but his bangs were still on the longer side. He reminded me of a Roman or Greek god.

Control Jaz your a grown ass woman a Soldier breathe Jaz just fucking breathe. Once the drinks were ready. I grabbed the lighter everyone scooted back. Tops never drinks anything stronger than beer with us. I guess he feels as the CO it's not his place.

" _To America!"_ I lit the drinks which shot up in a beautiful glaze causing all the guys to oh and ah. We took glasses raising them clicking them together. Each glazing into each other eyes feeling a rush of warmth, love gratefulness. " _To the land that made me, the cracks that drive me, the song that inspires me"_

In a swish the first shot went down so easily burning just slightly. Tears already burned McGuire's eyes fucking lightweight. I laughed raising my second glass as Preach proposed the next toast. " _Here's to our different starts in life our individuals stories. Those who knew us then, to each other the only ones who know the us now"_

We clicked glasses he wasn't done though, I couldn't help feel like he was talking directly to Tops and I when he said his next life lesson. " _To the connections we make on our journeys even when they seem impossible, the rare the true connections should not be ignored no matter our stories, our circumstances or the promises we made in our past. Life is about living for the little moments the ones that make us laugh, take our breath away, make us tremor in their memories. Or raise our glasses"_

" _Twenty bucks down saying Jaz can't down six of these in less than a minute"_

" _Oh your so on McGuire anybody stupid enough to bet against me with this soon to be broke ass Montana boy?"_

Preach shock his head holding up his hands laughing. Amir however was eager to lose his money. Slamming down sixty dollars at me. Was he nuts? My eyes found Tops he didn't even look up at me. I guess he didn't care that I was about to get wasted.

" _He'll get what he wanted from you girl be sure this is worth the cost"_ Hannah had warned me at Preach's house. Letting out a sigh I wish I had listened to her warning maybe I wouldn't be hurting so much now.

My heart shattered a little more knowing he really didn't care anymore. How did his trust his respect in me shatter that quickly? Did he ever really have it? Was it all just a lie my mind played on me for years. " _Raise your bets sons and raise them glasses bet ya $100 I'll drown eight of these"_

To hell with the consequences I needed an escape. I would deal with the aftermath tomorrow. Looking up at the moonlight I said a toast of gratefulness that I was alive and healthy enough to see another Tomorrow.

Maybe Tomorrow I would have the drunken balls to talk to Tops to clear the air. I needed to know once and for all.

 **A/N Please pay close attention to the dates at the start of each chapter. They will be jumping timelines quite a bit for a few chapters. Thanks to Everyone who followed added me as a Favorite / reviewed any of my stories.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: April 14th 2016**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _Oh Fuck"_ My legs burned from the sudden burst of energy needed to spring from my bed to the bathroom. Covering my mouth barely making it before the bile violently assaulted me burning my stomach, throat with its rising acid.

Death grip on the toilet knees buckling sinking to the floor. Fourth day this week I woke up throwing my guts up. Perhaps drinking so much wasn't the smartest idea last night. My body shock badly as I laid my head down on my arm.

My head was pounding my body ached I knew I wasn't running a fever, I was clammy if anything. Sweating I tried not to think about the fact that none of us have cleaned in months, times like this; I missed having my own bathroom. Damn Elijah for messing up my pipe line last year, him and McG had decided to prank me by flooding pink sparkling paint through my pipeline except they got it messed up and everything came out black sludge. I was so startled I jumped out of the shower forgetting to shut off the water. So the whole damn thing became flooded in black stinking sludge. None of us dared to clean it up.

" _Hey Jaz you about down hurling in there? Jr Soldier needs to take a leak"_

The first words Tops had said to me since we came back after not seeing each other for three months. So classy groaning I push myself up with trembling legs. Washing out my mouth splashing my face as the door opens. I hear him shuffling in we've never been shy in front of each other. Sharing one bathroom with five of us left no room for ego's or shyness.

When I finally looked up I was shocked to see my reflection in the mirror. The pale shaky blood eyed shut girl didn't resemble the women I felt I was inside. The sound of rushing water told me he was relieving himself. Sudden rush of heat overtook me I couldn't stop picturing his nine inches inside of me filling me stretching me.

I needed air rushing out of the bathroom did little to loosen the tightness inside my chest. My heart was racing. I had to get a grip of myself. I was here that had to be a sign right? If he wanted to transfer me why would he bring me back?

This had to be in my head which was spinning gripping the kitchen counter. I tried to steady my breathing. The stars were shining outside which explained why no one else was up. Light flooded the darkness he shuffled in wordlessly hitting the switch stretching those damn muscles. Anger flooded my veins is this how it is going to be? Glares, silence I deserved better. Just say it Jaz what do you have to lose? Anger fear seized my chest muscles. Forcing the words out of my throat left no room for air.

Facing him I stared him straight in his eyes not giving him room to escape. I stood in front of him heart racing palms sweating. _"Are you transferring me?_ _M_ _an up and tell me"_


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: April 14th 2016**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _Are you transferring me?"_

" _M_ _an up and tell me"_

" _I'm not going down without a fight Tops, This is bullshit we both know it. I graduated top of my class from sniper school, I'm the best damn shooter on this team. I've earned my place here. No one not you not McGuire not Patricia No fucking one is going to take that away from me"_

" _Stand down Sargent Khan I am still your superior officer"_

" _You're being unreasonable_ _Top_ _"_

" _You're being hot headed Jaz"_ Preach came in shaking is head head. " _It's too damn early for you two to start chopping heads"_

" _Hot headed No I am being proactive. I need to stay alert to always know where I stand because no one is going to pull one over on me again, I know people are always out to get me, to put me in my place because I am a women."_

" _Is that what you think Jaz?"_

" _I don't know what to think you won't talk to me, you barely look at me, you ignore me ever since…_

" _Beep Beep….._ The alarm from his laptop sounded interrupting our heated conversation as Preach brewed a fresh pot of coffee. The beeping was already waking up the rest of the team. My body was seething. I was so close to getting him to spill his thoughts. Now forget it.

Rigid with tension fear and anger I stomped over towards the laptop only to see him turn and put his hands up, scanning my body. Grabbing his hoodie from his chair he tossed it at me " _"_ _Put some clothes on make it look like we're civilized out here"_ He was really starting to cross a damn line with me; yanking it from him. I muttered as I slipped it over me. Not because he told me to simply because Patricia would have something to say if I showed up on screen half naked in just boxers and a sports bra looking like death, Ain't no one got time for that.

The sound of sliding china caught my attention Preach was shoving a full steaming mug of coffee at me as he stood behind me rubbing my shoulders. Amir was already grunting about quality rest as he sunk down into the chair besides me, holding out his mug which Preach happily filled. Pulling my knees to my chest I huffed out a few puffs still raging inside. Who the hell did he think he was to transfer me? Ignore me, shove me aside like I was nothing. Like a piece of unwanted lunch, an annoying pet. Like my dad.

Your CO Jaz that's who.

The screen buzzed to life filling the room with the faces of our D.C team mates Hannah, Noah and director Campbell. She was the first to speak to us. " _Good Morning Adam, Jaz, Amir, McGuire, Preach"_

" _Morning Patricia"_

" _Hey Hannah"_ McGuire winked catching the analyst off guard. Patricia cleared her throat causing Tops to turn and level an unhappy look towards McGuire who sunk down like a 1st grader being scolded by his teacher. The same teacher he's been crushing on all year.

" _Sorry to call you all so early"_

Tops was the first to answer without even talking to each other the rest of us communicated with each other a silent agreement to allow him to speak for all of us. Assuring her it was all apart of the job. Duty was always first.

" _Glad to hear it Adam glad to see all of you looking so rested"_ Ah so she did notice McGuire and I shared a small private smile which made our lips shake from unshed laughter. Tops didn't share our enthusiasm or humor.

" _Last deployment was rough for you all. I need you to remember the lessons you learned but shake off the fear of repeating a mistake or a mission going bad. This mission is going to test all of us. Preach as a dad you may take this the hardest. Please remember you are here to help not judge"_

I felt him tense behind me laying my head back I felt him softly run his hand through my messed up crinkled hair, his touch always relaxed me. Even now between the argument with Tops and news of a new dangerous mission as hard as my heart was pumping, his touch soothed me.

" _What's this mission Patricia? Where are we going? Why? How long?"_

Tops asked what we were all thinking internally she took a moment to answer, making me even more nervous. This meant one thing it was even more dangerous than what we thought. Where could it be? Why? I felt every sense of emotion one could feel awaiting life and death news. I knew by the shallow breaths tense postures pressed against my backside that each guy behind me felt the same way.

Was she sending us back into Iran? There was no way we were outed if we were caught sneaking into the country we would be executed on site, what could be so important she'd risk our lives before the mission even started. Why would Preach be affected?

I was the one captured there Iran is where everything in my life turned red. Everything Tops and I had built up over the last three years came crashing down in a slow fiery burn, now our relationship was up in big giant smoke flames.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: April 14th 2016**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _Aden, Yemen"_

Finally I could breathe it wasn't Iran air rushed in a little too fast towards my lungs. I felt Preach's hands tighten around my shoulders. He was still clinging to the fear, anxiety I had let go of.

" _What's in Yemen Director Campbell?"_

" _Child Brides"_

The group of is gasped in shock and horror my stomach twisted in knots. What could we possibly do with child brides? It's almost unheard of in the states kids simply don't just get married there's an order to things here. We grow up go to school we date anywhere from age 13 and up, we explore our options graduate high school go to college date some more. Get a job grow the hell up a little before we settle down marry and start a family.

In third world countries though life is very different. Yemen is one of the poorest countries of all poor countries. It's been in a state of political crisis since 2011 which has sparked riots/ protests in the streets over poverty, unemployment and corruption. The war has blocked imports causing a famine which has left 17 million people effected. Many are dying over two thousand since 2011 many kids never grow up parents have to choose which children live which ones die, kids are often too weak to attend school or unable to because they have to work to provide for their family leaving education to fall in the waste side. Many families are too poor to feed all their kids so they sell their daughters to older family members complete strangers. They take their daughters some as young as eight and trade them in a contract they are paid generously leaving them in better finical standings outstanding debts paid off. The girls however are left with violent animals, abused raped. 14% of girls are married by the time they are 14 or 15. 50% before 18. What did this have to do with us however? As horrible as I feel for those girls, we are American Soldiers we rescue American hostages we take out threats to American soil.

" _Turn your attention to the screen guys"_ Hannah's voice brought me back to reality she pointed to the screen behind her. I saw three young girls fill the board I felt my body shiver. Hannah's voice filled our space as she pointed to the first girl.

" _On the left here"_ Her finger tapped the photo of a typical all American girl dressed in a soccer jersey balancing a soccer ball on her left knee, her chin in the palm of her right hand which was propped up on her right knee. Light brown mousse hair spilling down her shoulders, she had a brilliant smile which brought out her face, her freckles caught the sun-rays. Which shot straight through my heart. I knew instantly this case would be a heart-breaker. I also knew now why we were called in.

" _Meet Madison Scott 15 years old from Nessa, Kentucky her dad Matt lost his family farm in a Tornado three months ago."_

" _His wife Madison's mom died giving birth to her younger brother when she was eight, Matt has six more kids all by different women. With no farm he can't make money so he can't provide for his family."_

" _Last week Matt came across a preacher who offered a solution he had a friend in Yemen who would pay generously for his daughter, Matt sold Madison for a sum of_ _$1,500"_

My blood turned boiling hot cooled off only by Preach whispering into my ear _"_ _It is wise to direct your anger towards problems— not people; to focus your energies on answers— not excuses"_

" _Pigs"_ I spit out " _Not men"_ Once again Tops shot me another withering look to let me know I was crossing another invisible line. My mind also drifted to my dad who always made me feel unwanted unimportant unequal to my brothers. He tried to make me submissive like a proper Arabic girl, the way these men would surely make these girls.

" _Sierra Ballerina she's 12 years old from Davenport, Florida she was kidnapped off her school bus yesterday by her uncle who was also her school bus driver."_

Sierra had the brightest blue eyes I've seen since. My eyes fell on Top's face staring intently on the screen fists balled. He was as angry as I felt inside he was just more professional than I am. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am different maybe he can't trust me to hold back when needed. The thought sent a wave of nausea though me, my head spinning. I needed to close my eyes breath deep.

" _Our third girl is Emirse Jo McCreey she's thirteen from Memphis, TN, her & best friend Jada Sue left home three days ago with a pastor from the foster home they lived at. He took them to Yemen and sold them"_

" _Adam your team is being called in because these girls are American, they are going to be sold to Isis by their new husbands in a matter of days, it is the way Isis is now instantiating newer younger members"_

" _How did we come into this Intel Director?"_ Amir cleared his throat trying to hide the fact it was clogged with emotions. I wondered if he was thinking about his sister?

" _Emirse escaped briefly yesterday she was able to contact a teacher back home and tell her what was happening, that teacher Aimee Jo Johnson called a friend who runs an organization called AGAH which stands for American Girls American Hands. She will meet you in Yemen and help with this mission"_

" _What's the plan Director?"_ Coughing she looked between Tops and myself oh no one of us was not going to like this. Preach's hands steadied me. " _The plan is risky as always Jaz will go in undercover as a teenage Bride, Preach you will be a preacher who is there to sell her"_

My stomach turned my face felt like flames were shooting through it leaving me dizzy. I felt Tops huffing a sure sign he was about to blow up.

" _Jaz you will be with the girls while the men are celebrated, you need to let them know who you are without compromising yourself. The girls will be transferred to the city of Sana the capital it is there we will make the rescue Aimee will be there with her team to help us, we need to be quick and quite"_

" _Jaz you will be largely on your own through most of this mission we will try to assist you through the commons but communication maybe cut off or impossible are you okay with going in solo so soon after Tehran?:_

" _Yes Director I am"_

" _Well I am not!"_ There it was Tops explosion which sent us all reeling back as his fist hit the table hard. Preach dove for his coffee cup which teetered on the end. I think McGuire forgot how to breathe he stumbled back bumping into the table. Anger boiled through my veins who was he to say anything about my abilities? If it weren't for Preach placing his hands on my shoulders. I might of leaped out of my seat and strangled him.

" _What is the problem Captain Dalton?"_

Patricia's voice asked hesitantly worried Tops glared at me turning back to the screen. " _I don't trust her judgment"_

My heart sank my head swam so it was true Tops really did stop trusting me. When? Why? How did he not talk to me about this before? I looked around did anybody else know how he felt? Sinking back into my seat. I felt the waves of Embarrassment rush through me. Just like when I was eight and my brother Taather's girlfriend dumped a plate of pasta on my head in front of the whole school. Everyone in the cafe laughed pointed and took pictures, no matter how many years have passed I'll never get that over that feeling of being the outsider. The kid who had no friends, who ate alone who cried in the bathroom. Wondering why she was bullied out-casted and friendless.

This though, this betrayal hurt even worse than my brother standing by watching using his fists as little balls which he held under his eyes mimicking a crying baby. Taather was suppose to be my protector my big brother a hero I looked up to. Instead he was the monster I came to fear, not in my nightmares or in the night. In warm sunny daylight he was the bastard I could never slay.

I grew to expect him to be nothing less than an evil bastard, I didn't trust him confide in him or go near him. Tops though he was suppose to be my friend my teammate, we had a level of communication no one else on this team had. So why couldn't he talk to me? Why wait and do it like this?

" _You have some damn nerve Captain Dalton"_ I growled advancing towards him Preach unable to stop me. Both of us locked in a stance battle. I wasn't backing down. Licking my lips I let out a deep angered puff of air.

" _I told you before_ _I'm not going down without a fight Tops, This is bullshit we both know it. I graduated top of my class from sniper school, I'm the best damn shooter on this team. I've earned my place here. No one not you not McGuire not Patricia. No fucking one is going to take that away from me"_


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Incirlik, Turkey**

 **Date: April 14th 2016**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _You have some damn nerve Captain Dalton"_ I growled advancing towards him Preach unable to stop me. Both of us locked in a stance battle. I wasn't backing down. Licking my lips I let out a deep angered puff of air.

" _I told you before_ _I'm not going down without a fight Tops, This is bullshit we both know it. I graduated top of my class from sniper school, I'm the best damn shooter on this team. I've earned my place here. No one not you not McGuire not Patricia No fucking one is going to take that away from me"_

" _Sargent Khan you are crossing so many damn lines, you need to fall back there are rules and regulations built in place for a reason"_

" _You're not the same Jaz, not since you were captured"_

There are no words to describe how angry I was my whole body was shaking. I felt like I was on a spaceship floating high above my own body. My head was swimming I could see myself hear myself, there were just so many emotions. I didn't know what to feel first. **Caustic** **was a good one my fists were clenched so tightly they had passed the white phrase and were now turning a not so pretty shade of magnolia.**

 **Was he joking? Of course I wasn't the same as before how could I be? Who would expect me to be? Most people including us take Freedom for granted. We don't question the feeling or even our right to have what we are blessed to have. Simple everyday things like going to the store picking out what to make for dinner, sharing a laugh with friends in our favorite club, walking down the street wearing what we want. Choosing our own names, where we want to work. Where to go to school for what or if we even want to go to school. Freedom is a sense of elation,** **we start to think it's our promised right.**

 **It is not it is a privilege, one that can be taken away the minute we let our guard down. When we start to get to comfortable too cocky, someone will be there to remind us. Freedom isn't free. It''s paid for everyday in blood, sweat and tears from someone else. Soldiers who risk it all to keep America safe. Like us we put our lives on the line everyday. We signed up for this, it doesn't make it any easier.**

 **Not when your tied up hit, tortured, beaten** **or** **shot at. Being held while your captures play mind games with you. Tell you lies showing you pictures of your teammates that they doctored to make it look like they were murdered. Trying to save you. I've done a lot of thinking since I was rescued a lot of talking to Xander the Army prescribed physiologists who I've been seeing.**

 **I've come to understand that it wasn't being tortured or held that was hard for me. I could take the pain.** **It's** **the fear thinking anyone of my team be** **ing** **hurt or killed saving me. It's understanding that for one I mattered enough for someone to risk their life for.**

 **I'm not use to mattering. I could get use to that feeling. It's sweet like the taste of honey apple pie, warm like fresh baked cookies. That scares me because nothing good has ever lasted in my life, anybody that has dared to love me has paid a price. I don't know what I would do if I lost any of my team.**

 **Every mission we go on I find myself watching my team more closely. I react quicker without thinking. It's dangerous, every time I see them in danger my mind flashes back to pictures that I was shown. My heart tightens I can't breathe, I feel lightheaded and dizzy.**

 **Impotent mind gr** **i** **p** **p** **in** **g fe** **ar m** **y** **b** **lo** **od felt** **li** **ke t** **h** **e arctic h** **ad t** **a** **ken home in my veins there was nothing I could do from stopping fate. If she wanted to take one of my guys she would. she's a** **l** **ready taken Aaqil, EJ, Ham and many others. What was stopping her form taking Adam, Preach, McG or even Amir? She took his sister. She didn't discriminate age, race she took everybody and anybody.**

 **"** _ **H**_ _ **ow am I supp**_ _ **os**_ _ **e to be you tell me have you ever**_ _ **bee**_ _ **n taken hostage? Have you ever been tied to a chair,**_ _ **g**_ _ **agged, hit with the**_ _ **barrel**_ _ **o**_ _ **f a**_ _ **gun. Drugged**_ _ **s**_ _ **hot at, made**_ _ **to believe that**_ _ **your whole team was murdered trying to rescue you? They h**_ _ **ad**_ _ **me**_ _ **wishing I**_ _ **was already dead. Y**_ _ **our life**_ _ **would be a whole lot easier for**_ _ **you**_ _ **if**_ _ **I**_ _ **was**_ _ **dead."**_

 **"** _ **Jaz stop…**_

 **" _What telling the truth? Hard to hear?"_** **I was in his face now my own face beat red, my hands shaking hurting from being closed so tightly.** _ **"Your proving my damn point Jaz"**_

 **" _What point Tops?"_**

 **" _I'd like to know that myself Adam? Jaz has proven herself capable of handling herself even after Tehran"_** **Thank you Patricia he cleared his throat. "** _ **Director you don't live with Jaz like I do, she's undependable. Her judgment is off she takes risks without regard for herself which puts us all in danger. She acts like her life isn't important, she's a liberality, she got herself captured she put us all at risk, and she's still making the same stupid selfish mistakes"**_

 **Blindsided I felt my legs start to give out. Thankfully Preach was there to grab me. His face looking as colorless and confused as I felt. Why was he doing this now? Why not talk to me privately? Why wait till we weer near a mission? How long has he felt this way? Why was no one defending me? Looking around slowly, I saw McG refusing to meet my eyes, Amir offered a sympathetic smile. Hannah and Noah looked shocked and uncomfortable, Patricia angry her gaze going form his to mine.**

 **"** _ **Everyone has seen her decline over the last few months, she's still making stupid decisions, everyone saw what she did on break. She broke the rules without even giving a damn. She can't follow an order how can I trust someone like her she's a lose canon"**_

 **One choice who knew it could have such a domino effect?** **Patricia cleared her throat considering her words carefully before speaking, her voice remained calm but full of authority. "** _ **Captain Dalton stand down now,**_ _ **this is between you Sargent Khan and myself there is no reason to involve the rest of the team, in the future Captain you are to take any further grievances up with me privately before making a spectacular like this. Preach, MCGuire, Amir you are clear on the mission?"**_

 **" _Yes...Director…_** **They stumbled and stampeded "** _ **In that case you are dismissed"**_ **No one spoke up to defend me** **they just quickly scattered each going their own way** **were they all remembering what happened on break? My own mind flashed back to it as color crept to my face. I couldn't meet** **Tops eyes or even look towards the screen** **.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Venice Beach, CA Preach's Home**

 **Date: Jan 1st 2016**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

 **(A/ N Please pay close attention to the change in dates, starting on this chapter the dates. Locations will jump around a bit)**

" _Yo' Khan I have a joke for you"_

" _Shoot McGuire"_

" _You sure your ready for this?"_

McGuire and I were dishing out the smash talk as we kept pace with each other. The leather basketball bouncing in a fast paced motion between his fingers. Sweat was dripping down every body part nothing was helping not water not breaks, not even my short outfit black biker shorts and sports bra. Wiping the sweat away raising my eyes so I was locked eye level with McGuire.

" _Shoot already McG"_

" _Nah Jaz the perfect joke requires the perfect set…._

His mouth fell open as my nimble fingers stole the ball my feet making quick light work of the run down Preach's driveway.. " _Damn it Jaz" "_ _I_ _said shoot dumb-ass"_ Taking quick inventory of my surroundings. I passed to Patricia leaping up she grabbed it laughing. Finding herself surrounded she passed to Hannah. McGuire was so caught up in watching Hannah sway her 28inch waist her natural gorgeous muscular thin frame being shown off by the same outfit I was wearing. He tripped falling flat on his face. I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself, Hannah passed me slapping my hand.

" _Jesus numb nuts what's your major malfunction? Your foot forget left from right?"_

My team cracked up Hannah, Patricia, Giannini "Peach" Cater. Preach's gorgeous wife, their daughters 16 year old Hallie Jade, 13 y. o Caitlin Paige and 12 year old Jashia Billie. The seven of us verse Adam, Preach, Amir, McG, Noah, Preach's brother TQ, his son Marcus and Hallie's boyfriend 16 year old Carter Gage and his younger brother Timothy Gage 14.

Hannah squeezed her dribbling with her moves right hand dribbling right foot pushing back. Amir who's shorter than her couldn't block her, which got McG started on his next round of jokes.

" _Damn little man you're so short you can play handball with the curb"_

" _Really McG such a lame ass joke like I haven't heard short jokes before, but I'll salute you for the brain cells you wasted in trying to be clever and funny I know it's a strain"_

Amir gave him a two finger salute using both his middle fingers. All of us cracking up as preach scolded him slapping his hand against the back of Amir's head " _Kids Dumb- ass"_

" _You may be a ninja Khan but even ninja skills don't make up for height"_

Tops was in my face now his strong fever inducing arms prevented me from seeing grinning shyly I shot him a warning _"Be-careful up there Tops or this little ninja may just ninja your_ _nuts_ _"_ _"_ _Oh"_ His grunts filled the air as I brought my kneecap to his balls forcing him to open those amazing legs so I can slide between jumping up just in time to catch Jashia's throw. Two quick bounces I felt Tops arms enclose around my waist. In a quick thinking move I made a no look pass towards Hallie who caught it with ease even as she accelerated her speed towards our basket.

Her long stride made it easy for her to get down court but the guys were quick even as she passed to Patricia who was surrounded by Noah and Amir. Giannini stole the ball jumping to pass it to me but was blocked by Preach who knocked it out of her hands. Changing directions I elbowed my way in front of Amir who grunted " _Move it Princess this is the game of life not time to dry your nails"_

" _Rude Jaz"_

" _Yes she is hey Jaz you should follow the sun to school"_

" _Why?"_ I grunted as he grinned " _To get brighter duh"_

" _Hey Mcguire"_

" _Yeah"_

" _Pay attention_ _fool cause I am about to school your ass"_

Woosh the ball sailed through the net seconds after I stole it from Preach as he attempted to chest pass to McG who groaned as I went into a beautiful lay up. Coming down my team cheered even Preach smiled as he caught me on landing tickling my under arms " _Okay celebrate your little victory little girl"_ Ruffling my bangs which were frizzled to no end he turned to the guys " _Wars are not won by evacuations fellas keep going"_ Even on opposing teams Preach had a way of moving me lifting me up. Four months ago we all thought we were going to lose him now here he was talking running laughing a little slower with a little more breaks needed but he was recovering.

Lungs, Arms, Legs all of it burned pausing to get my balance wishing for water my eyes landed on Tops who was crossing to get to me. " _Catch Ninja"_ a man of few words he made me chuckle as I caught the water bottle he threw at my direction. The cool liquid did it's job providing me with much needed refreshment. Handing him back the bottle now minus half the water our hands touched sending shock waves through me almost causing me to drop the damn bottle. My whole body trembled even with the newly forming sunburn I was forming.

Our eyes locked he smiled guess he let go of the angry words from the last time we saw each other right after his going dark Hoffman days. God I wished I could kiss him. Would that be so wrong?

Yes he's my commanding officer there are actual rules and consequences for just how wrong it is. Damn though why did he have to look so hot shirtless, those nipples just gleaming in sweat bouncing as his chest rises in laughter. I felt like a middle school girl blushing as she stares at her crush who's she's been secretly eyeing for weeks to shy to make a move.

If I was only brave enough to tell him I felt maybe things could move forward. The way McG and Hannah already were they barely knew each other yet his arm was around her waist. The way he gazed into her gorgeous eyes it was like he knew her soul already. She smiled touching is check as he leaned down for a kiss.

Tops had thrown his arm around Jashia's shoulders she laughed at something he said, whatever it was I didn't hear. Everything was coming in little static bits all I could focus on was how amazing of a dad he would be one day and how lucky the women would be to have an amazing compassionate loving sexy ass man like him.

Darkness settled in on me knowing I would never be that woman my own dad's words ringing in my ears as he leered over me one of the many evenings after mom had left, his voice harsh as his breath which stank of old cheap booze. " _I hate you Jasmine_ _I don't believe in you because you're a failure and you've constantly disappointed me._ _I never wanted you, I wish you were never born._ _I can't wait to you move out you better stay in school you stupid cunt cause ain't no man gonna want a dog like you"_


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Venice Beach, CA Preach's Home**

 **Date: Jan 1st 2016**

 **P O V: Jaz Khan**

" _Today is perfection just what the doctor ordered"_

Tops passed the water bottle back as he made the comment he wasn't kidding though. The weather was perfect 98 degrees the sun was shining so brightly it hurt to even look at the direction. Breeze blowing in from the ocean thirty-five feet away salty yet sweet filling my lungs with much needed relaxation.

Birds chipped above us perched on power lines closer to our level. Preach's two dogs barked a welsh corgi mixed with a Labrador Retriever named Riser. She was barking like crazy Hallie whistled for her holding a treat which Riser seemed to think about before rushing over tail wagging.

Their other dog Jazzmania is a jackaranian a Pomeranian with a Jack Russell. I love how they named her after me. Makes me feel warm and fussy no one ever thought I was special enough to name anything after. It didn't hurt that Jazzmania was adorable huge caramel eyes floppy ears all which she knew how to work when she leaped up on my legs tongue hanging out giving me a little whine as she tilted her head so her eyes were staring right into my own caramel eyes. Her sandy body was so little I could scoop her up into one arm.

" _Heaven"_ Patricia added handing me a towel to wipe my forehead smiling my thanks to her taking a deep breath enjoying the sweet air. Everyone was taking time to enjoy the much needed break Preach with his girls snapping selfies. Mcg and Hannah grabbing cold beers sitting on the hood of Preach's Shelby Cobra 427 Super Snake. Gia headed over to help TQ who was flipping burgers and hot dogs on the side of the patio.

Noah was fooling around with my ipod currently attached to speakers blasting out music. Preach lives in Venice Beach California. His home is breathtaking a combination of beautiful detailed wood finishes stones and hand troweled plaster all golden hallmarks sitting right on the beach. Rich golden sand stretched out for miles beyond what the eye could see. Each inch nearly covered with Holiday tourists kids playing volleyball running and falling laughing as the sun baked their complexions. Dogs barking chasing balls and freebies, surfers hanging tight to the luscious blue/green waves.

" _EJ would of loved this"_ Leaning back against one of the stone pillars. I let out a long sigh listening to everyone as I closed my eyes. McG's voice filtered through my sun drenched brain. " _It's like god himself saw we were suffering for too long, so he decided to dial up mother nature"_

My breathing got heavier as I opened my eyes seeing a young boy chase his dog. Laughing throwing a tennis ball the boy's blond hair glistened in the sun as he turned I could see his gorgeous blue eyes.

I wondered if that's how Adam's son would look like one day. I didn't need to hear Preach to know what he meant. Elijah's voice echoed in my head. " _He dialed up mother nature and said bitch these soldiers need a break"_

The image of Elijah running besides me snapping pictures laughing burned in my memory. He was more coordinated than any of us he wouldn't trip like McG he had grace, style, skills. I would throw my hands up trying to block. Both of us would end up tangled in a fit of laughter.

" _Now laughing friends deride / tears I can not hide / Oh, so I smile and say / When a lovely flame dies / smoke gets in your eyes."_

Lyrics of a song EJ and I had danced to flickered through my i-pod. Everyone else would already be asleep when we would sneak out of the hut and dance under the moonlight of the Turkish night sky. EJ a trained dancer would hold my waist so delicately it would bring tears to my eyes.

I would kill for five more minutes with EJ throwing my empty beer bottle in the trash I grabbed another one. Heading away from the group it was too close for me my throat was burning from unshed tears logging it.

" _We can't stay long sis, we just came to say hello"_

My brother's voice skated through my mind was I that dehydrated? Too much beer? The combo of both with no food. Opening my eyes I hear myself gasp. Nope he's still there his custom embroiled basketball gold spinning on his finger. That cocky grin plastered across his young face.

Aaqil Ja'far Saadiq Khan just 13 years old even at 13 he was a handsome little man driven with goals for his future already well on their way to coming true. He knew he was cute he told himself everyday while checking himself out in the mirror.

His soft Caramel eyes those tight cornrows always dressed in the latest fashions even though we couldn't afford them, Aaqil always found a way to buy them he never stole he was honest and hard working from the time he was really young he would find odd jobs to do around the neighborhood.

He never let circumstances stop him even now no longer part of this world he found a way to come to me to look out for me. Even from heaven. " _Why can't you stay?"_ My voice was tight with tears soft from the intensity of the pain. Pain which no matter how much time has passed has never gone away. The fucked up part of it is that no matter how much more time will pass, this pain will never go away.

Looking at him as he was in life full of passion energy, humor. I remembered my days of our youth spent on the hot black asphalt under the hot summer NYC sun. Inside the broken chain link fence shooting balls towards the bullet riding backdrop. Aaqil loved the game so much he was popular among the neighborhood boys. All the little hoomies use to look up to him waiting for him after school so he could teach them all how to play the game he loved so much. Most didn't have fathers or positive roles models in their lives. Aaqil and I weren't any different my dad hated me from the second I was born a girl. He lost Aaqil's love the second he figured out that our dad's hitting me verbals abusing me wasn't normal.

Aaqil never minded being a role model he loved knowing he could make a difference in a kid's life. So he took it seriously never touching drugs or alcohol. He worked hard everyday at perfecting his game at earning money. Everyday we got up at four am and went for a run around Central Park for an hour than we would go into one of the courts and practice for two hours with two of our closets buddies. Hamilton "Ham" Saxton and Kennocha O'Chechen. Rain sleet snow extreme heat nothing stopped us. We would practice till the minute before we had to school Aaqil was the captain of our middle school basketball team.

" _I need you Bro' you don't even know"_

" _I do know sis big bro always knows"_

 _I don't know what to do Aaqil, I want him, I know I shouldn't but I do so bad"_

" _Jaz you you've always been a wild flaming heart, you've always gone down your own path remember what I told you when you told me you had a crush on Ham?"_

Smiling at the memory of the game we use to play back then kids just enjoying the game the nyc sky brightly lit sun slowly rising from behind the buildings. He was 12. I was 11 it was Sunday Morning most of the kids were in Sunday School/ Church or asleep so it was just the four of us.

" _This is called Hit or Tell"_

The object was that for every shoot we missed we had to tell a secret. _"Aw missed can't say I am shocked lil sis that was an impossible shot only the best can make it, ya know like your bro over here haha. Now spill Jaz"_

" _How was I suppose to get that shot?"_ I pointed to the fact we were half court I was 11 and too damn short to even throw half court from half court.

" _Life ain't fair sis so spill"_

" _Promise you won't go crazy"_

" _Sis you know I always got you we're blood it's that thick"_

Swoosh he sailed the ball through the net " _Oh it's that serious?" "Al'right I think I might like Ham"_

I waited expecting him to go crazy like my friend Tanshia's brother Mikal did when she told him she liked his best friend Jai. Mikal is serving 10 years for assault and battery.

Instead he passed me the ball giving me tips on how to hold it close with one arm while blocking with the other.

 _Go for it Jaz Ham's a good dude smart mature educated culturally diverse. He likes school he's ambitious he respects girls. If he likes you back and he will because he has amazing taste and you my little sis are an amazing person, than go for it, If he hurts you I'll destroy him"_

Looking up I saw him wink at me just like he did back then. " _Time slips by too fast I had so much to do Jaz. I didn't expect to not get the chance to grow up. You have to do it for the both of us. Live, Laugh Love you deserve it Jaz. Preach is right connection like this it's rare it's beautiful and it shouldn't be ignored"_

Gasping I felt my mouth drop open Aaqil grinned his ball spinning on his finger tip. " _Told ya big Bro is always watching, By the way EJ told me to tell you that you still owe him, hell ya owe me to Sis, I mean I did die protecting your lame ass"_ He winked I felt my throat clogging I couldn't catch my breath were they really together?

" _He's a funny dude Jaz he loves fashion the two of us are slaying this runway in heaven, that's the term you kids are slinging these days right?"_

I could barely nod picturing Aaqil and EJ walking down runaways in heaven both trying to look cuter than the other one. I couldn't stop smiling even as my legs dropped.

" _No tears Sis ain't none of us got the time for that._ _My time here is limited I gotta go back to God's garden soon"_

" _No please I …_

" _I can't stay Jaz. I'm only on loan we all are really we're God's children when he calls us home well we are honored. Someday will be together again, not now though it's not your time"_

" _Than when?"_

" _When your work here is done you'll know"_

" _I miss you Aaqil"_

" _Miss you to sis but can you make me happy settle that score with EJ so he can stop whining like a damn bitch. You just have to do one thing"_

" _What's that?"_

" _Follow your heart Jaz"_

Aaqil winked at me just like that he was gone. Leaving me gasping hot tears burning my eyes the sudden cold touch on my shoulder caused me to jump. " _Jaz"_ Tops standing there his eyes clouded with worry no judgment. God his eyes were amazing follow your heart that's what they wanted me to do.

" _Jaz"_ His words were cut short by the crashing of my lips against his lips crashing into his. Everyone stood back in shock his lips soft making me feel warm inside. They say a kiss can rocket blast you into another world. I'm not sure I believe that however I can tell you what I will remember is his hands which started off stiff now eased up, roaming slowly up my body his left hand rested on my left butt check, his right hand rested on my lower back.

The smell of his after shave the scratchy bits of his just starting to come in bread rubbing against my check. His lips taking dominance his tongue pressing against my teeth begging to be let in. Pine scented hair mixed with honey brown sugar coated lips. His upper lips sucking on my lower one a slow low moan built up in the base of my throat. Tender lips warm hands pressing my back so my chest was brought closer to his. Our breaths became one his warmth transcended from his body to mine. Filling my cold shivering body.

I have dreamed about this moment even fantasied how it would feel sometimes even orgasmed to my dreams. I never truly thought it would happen. Growing up I was never the popular girl. I didn't have many boyfriends, only two through out my whole teen years. Ham was my first from 11 to 14 we were on and off. My last one was Tennessee Sawyer. I never thought I would have another boyfriend not after I was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia when I was fourteen for three years I battled intense nausea, hair loss bone pain, headaches lonely nights and days in a hospital far away from NYC in Memphis TN, blood transfusions, bone marrow transplants, Chemo Radiation, fear. I lost my hair I swelled up, I lost weight, there were many times I didn't think I would make it through. I had no one to talk to or share my feelings or fears with.

Tennessee was a sweet kid cute and smart I met him when I was sixteen he was also a cancer patient. Still there were no sparks with him, I knew part of the reason he found me pretty was because he also knew what it felt like to be known as "The Sick One" I always wanted a boyfriend who was into me for me who knew the real me.

I never believed it could happen why would any man like Tops a smart motivated ambitious athletic handsome leader want with me? True he had no idea I had cancer no one did here. Nope this wasn't a dream it was as real as the bruise that was forming from where Tops was pressing me against the stone. The whole experience brought me back to what country music videos always talk about. I couldn't breathe because I didn't want to if dying was the price I would have to pay to have Tops hands on my body roaming under my shirt, his lips sucking on my mouth. Bring on the eternal darkness.

For this slice of heaven I would die any day a thousand deaths.

A flash caught my eye did McGuire just take a damn picture? Who cares I couldn't stop the moan escaping filling his warm beer scented mouth, " _Sargent Khan you crossed a line"_ Just like the snap of a finger my dream came crushing down on me like the reflection of a nightmare in the middle of the night when you wake up dripping in sweat nauseated. Hands pushed me away angry sending me flying shock waves coursing through my body. I was left speechless confused he returned the kiss. I felt it! Not just in the way his lips explored every inch of my mouth.

I felt his erratic heartbeat how tender his touch was, his arousal so deep he needed relief that not even his hands could satisfy. So why was he reacting this way?

I couldn't catch my breath everything was spinning it wasn't just from how dizzy his kiss left me. My legs were shaking everything was frozen suspended in time. The change of his face from excitement & pleasure to shock anger disappointment. The air grew colder stiffer less friendly McGuire bite into an apple, Gia hustled the kids away Hannah grabbed the dogs.

" _Sargent Khan your crossing a line one that can't be undone I am your C.O what you just did warrants a write up for sexual harassment you're suspended until further notice"_

My world stopped growing cold darker he stormed off yelling for Patricia the sky felt like it was closing in. I needed to escape. " _Jaz"_ I heard their voices calling to me I couldn't wouldn't stop or look back.

 **A/N Thank you to everyone who has favored reviewed or followed. Soon we shall know the fate of our show. Fingers crossed and keep the #RenewTheBrave trending please.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Turkey**

 **Date: 4/14/2016**

 **P O V: Preach**

" _This mission will be personal to you Preach"_

Director Campbell's words rung through my head as I busied myself in preparations to leave. Normal everyday activities like brushing my teeth, shaving after my shower which I normally took my time doing without ever giving it much of a thought.

Right now every motion took a coordinated effort on my part anger was coursing through my veins. Little girls that's what they were 12, 14 years old just trying to live their lives. Going to school playing with their girlfriends. Now they were in a strange land with dangerous men who wanted to abuse them.

Pigs not men monsters that's what they are not men. Not by any definition of the word. I don't care what language you speak. The word man can't be described to use anybody that takes pleasure in hurting young girls, torturing them holding them against their will. A real man protects loves shelter's little girls not use them for their personal gain or pleasures.

As a man it was my greatest fear the second I found out I was going to be a father. My heart swelled with Pride. A son my first thought someone to play basketball with, someone who I can take on long nature walks teach them the trails and life skills how to build a fire, catch a fish skin it cook it. How to tie his tie how to treat a lady.

Than we found out he was going to be a she. Harry became Hallie, Pride became fear, not because I didn't want a little or couldn't raise one. I was afraid because I know that this world is harder on girls. Life is harder it expects so much out of them gone are the days of women sitting home watching soaps tending to house chores, cooking and taking care of their families. Now their expected to do all that plus they have to be smarter, faster grow up quicker mature faster it stripes them of their innocence.

Girls are held to a higher standard a sexiest view if their caught drinking with boys, the boys are giving a slap on the back as they share a laugh. Girls are shamed into thinking their being a wild child. If their caught with hickies their branded sluts while the boys are labeled as smooth criminals by the ladies sitting on the front porches sipping sweet tea.

I'm thankful I have such an amazing strong beautiful women a badass wife/ mother she has to be amazing. For six months out of a 12 month year she's a mom a father a best friend she's everything to those girls.

I've missed countless birthdays, holidays, games, recitals, concerts. So many milestones in their lives. Some days I find myself wondering is it worth it? When I feel myself sinking into that mentality I look back to the days of my youth into my parents and grandparents histories.

How my grandmother Haley Jackson had it growing up in the deep south back in the 40's before segregation ended. How she was forced to attend an all black school, where education paled in comparison to the all white school down the street.

I think of how she felt knowing she had so much more to offer. Knowing she was smarter than most of those white kids she was forced to sit behind. How she could out run the neighborhood boys yet she was never allowed to run besides.

I remember the stories of how she joined in the fight in the sixties to end segregation. How it felt to watch Martin Luther King stand up fight for a dream only to be shot dead for his efforts.

I hear the pain in her voice when she talks about how hard it was to attend college as one of the few African American females in the sixties and seventies. All while juggling a marriage and kids. I start to doubt myself less giving up my highly competitive job. My suburban life leaving my family, I know I did right when I see the pride in my G'Ma's eyes that twinkle when she calls me "Her Solider" she knows than her fight was worth it. She always put us first we mean more to her than her college diploma graduating as one of their first African American students. She became one of the first African American female Attorneys in the state of Louisiana.

I work so my kids don't have to struggle the way my mom Alicia did. She had my sister Georgina young at 16, she didn't get to go to college because as she tells it she was young dumb and in love. At least she was till her high school jerk of a boyfriend went and dumped her for miss popularity, leaving her young dumb and pregnant. She didn't quit school she took a job at McDonalds after school did her homework late at night and went to school full time in the daytime.

She was 17 when she fell in love again with a college boy named Randall Carter they had my brother "R.J" Randal Jr. My sister L.J which stands for Larkin Jade, Me, then my brother MQ. We were a happy normal family living in the Suburbans of Bossier City. My parents owned two SUV's dad took us to baseball games, taught us how to fish, hunt catch a baseball, build a fire.

We did our homework before we played or watched TV, we cleaned up after ourselves we said yes ma'am no ma'am thank you Sir'. We had manners we attended church every Sunday and Sunday school.

I was ten when the drunk driver crossed the yellow line as we came back from Christmas Eve Mass. Dad took his seat belt off throwing himself on top of myself and MQ. He was thrown out the back window as the car rolled off the embankment.

Life was never the same after we lost the house we were forced to move into the inner city into one of the poorest sections. My mom's pride was too high to ask for help from her parents who had moved to Southern California. She took on three jobs leaving us alone for hours and days. RJ made new friends in his school very different from his old friends where he was captain of the varsity squad. Now he was hanging with the Latin Disciples he became a street soldier. Many nights I lay awake praying that the gun shots I heard weren't belonging to the ones which would end my brothers life.

RJ got lucky instead of a grave he got a 25 year life sentence for killing a fifteen year old boy, he was 17 my mom's heart was broken. Even though I was young I heard her crying; I swore I would do better than RJ. I stayed in school stayed out of trouble worked out with our neighbor who owned a boxing gym and let me train as long as I kept the place clean and kept the bad kids out.

I earned top grades went to a good college. Met Gina in my Senior year we got married after graduation we moved to Ca to be close to my grandparents. We both got jobs at a prestigious law firm. Gina found out she was pregnant four years into our marriage in 2001. life was amazing for us.

Than tragedy struck Sep 11th 2001. Terrorists flew two planes into the twin towers in NYC a world away from us. They hijacked a plane which went down in Pa. Over 3,000 people died that bloody day. I watched in horror when I awoke that day unable to believe this was real. I held my wife I kissed my unborn child. I worried about what kind of world I was bringing her into. I wondered about the Muslim kids growing up in NYC post 911 who would have to face the fear, ignorance from simple minded idiots who blamed them for simply being born Muslim.

Didn't think there was much I could do at the time, so I had a few drinks at a local bar slapped the backs of returning soldiers who knew they would soon be deployed to fight in a war we simply had no hope of winning.

For months I thought that way then I was given a case I was told would advance my career if I won, it changed my life. The case was of Ab de halou a boy who was born and grew up in San Diego.

He excelled in school had many friends got good grades he spoke perfect English, he practiced Islam. He was a leader in the youth community of his mosque. After High School he joined the Air Force to show pride and give back to the country which he called home. The United States Of America.

Jan 15th 2002 he had just returned home from his first tour of Afghanistan his friends and girlfriend had taken him out to celebrate. They were targeted by six male white supremacists followed, chased _corned and beaten to death._

 _Video surveillance caught the act on tape, witness saw them yet no jury would convict them. Why? Because one kid told the jury that Ad had made a stupid joke about white privilege back in their junior year._

I left the courthouse sickened by what had happened to America. To these kids to their families, Justice did not prevail. I drank my sorrows away. As I was drinking a young solider sat besides me he had just come home from Iraq after a road side bomb took his sight and hearing. He told me stories about being over there, he spoke in pride with no regrets.

I knew right then and there I would become a solider so the next day when I was sober. I visited the nearest military branch a Navy Recruiter. I loved the comrade between the guys, I found myself growing stronger in physique and mind.

Now when I doubt myself or my choices I close my eyes I picture my daughters faces. I am thankful because the world has once again changed. I think about Ad and wonder what his kids would have been like what kind of father he would have been. My daughters don't have to grow up afraid for their safety. It makes my sacrifices worth it.

"Ah"

Jaz's moans startle me damn ninja when did she sneak into the shower? " _You alright in there Khan?" "Sore so sore"_ Letting out a laugh I see her jester in return through the curtain. " _Need a_ _n_ _Ezekiel massage?"_

" _Yessss"_

Jaz is not one to admit her weakness or need for help. When her voice quivers in saying yes I know it was so hard for her to utter that one word. " _Well come to my quarters and I shall see what I can do"_

Jaz follows me minutes later wrapped in only a towel. Shutting the door behind her I see her checks are flushed. I wonder what had happened between her Patricia and Adam but I don't ask it isn't my place.

She sits on my bed as I braid her hair than she lays flat on her stomach. I cover her bare behind with another towel so she doesn't feel exposed. It's been a tradition for years now when she starts to feel stressed she comes to my room and I massage her.

She's covered in bruises I never ask where they are from I know some are from Tehran, others I know are from her childhood. We don't speak as I work my hands through her shoulders, back and neck. Her soft moans tell me it's what she needs something she isn't use to doing for herself. She never had anyone to show her she was worth caring for. That breaks my heart every little girl should be able to count on a mommy and a daddy to love them.

I've made it my personal mission to make sure she never feels alone ever again. She quickly falls asleep, which alarms me something is going on with her. She always amped before missions unable to sleep.

Was Adam behind this? Was she not allowed to go on this mission? Is that why she was so tense? They've always had such an amazing connection. I wonder if for the first time that connection had been murdered.

Gently I leaned over kissing her check she didn't stir even as I picked up my laptop moving her arm off it.

" _God be with you babe"_


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: Like Home**

 **Location: Turkey**

 **Date: 4/14/2016**

 **P O V: Preach**

Southern Ca is ten hours hours ahead of us. So while it's four am here over there it's almost two pm. An odd hour of the day I never know if I am going to reach them. " _Hello"_ Giannini's breathless voice appears before me on my screen. Her beautiful face automatically makes me feel better. " _Well hello Peach fancy meeting you here" "Haha Ezekiel_ _what's going on? Is everything okay? We just spoke last night"_

She knows me well I can't hide even if I had the luxury of time which I did not. I can't go into details due to confidentially so I simply reply. " _New mission kids"_ She smiles sympathetically " _I'll go get the kids"_ There's rattling some squeals before Hallie pops on camera chewing gum.

" _Hey Daddy I miss you"_

God she's so grown up too fast for me. She's beautiful with her large caramel eyes under way too much makeup for this old daddy's preference. Her long curly purple and pink braids, she's beautiful naturally she doesn't need any junk on her face. I say nothing I am not a dumb man.

" _Hello Princess Jade"_ She giggles rolling her eyes " _Daddy I made varsity for the summer league"_

" _That's awesome Princess when do practices start?"_

" _June first week"_

" _Aw I know you'll be amazing baby girl remember your drills keep practicing"_

She giggles another round sending my heart fluttering yes she's a daddy's girl. She's got me wrapped around her middle finger. _"_ _Daddy I know I will be amazing because I am your daughter. Hey when you get home can we have another daddy/ daughter day scheduled?"_

" _You know we can baby I look forward to it"_

" _Thanks daddy I love you be safe. Come home daddy"_

My heart breaks as she blows a kiss moving so Caitlin can come forward.

" _Yo' Daddy what's shaking?"_

She's only 13 but she's a free spirit with her own unique style a mixture of punk, little girl. " _Nothing much over here baby girl just getting ready to play hero. What are you doing today?"_

" _Heading to the skate park with Dylan, Katie, Skylar and Jadin. Jay's teaching me some new tricks we're entering a competition next weekend"_

" _You going to set the park on fire?"_

" _Daddy fire? Really nah we gonna kick some ass is what we gonna do"_

" _Caitlin you know you can't curse it don't matter how far I am"_

" _Sorry daddy"_

Jaz stirs but never wakes something is up with her. She always wakes when she hears my kids voices, this time nothing. " _I know you'll do amazing just remember never go anywhere alone"_

" _Yes daddy I know give Jaz a wassup from me"_

Jashia my youngest pops up covering her eyes " _I can't see you daddy!"_ She giggles she still has that little girl vibe. " _Daddy I can't see you"_

" _I'm right here"_

" _No your not"_ She giggles again " _Prove it" "Prove what my love?"_

" _Yes"_ I groan this is going to cost me I know it. Her eyes open as she grabs a magazine flipping it open. My heart stops since when did a little piece of fabric cost $250? _"_ _Talk to your mama" "Oh you always say that daddy" "Don't you always get what you want?" "Not always daddy" "Name one thing?" "You home daddy"_

That's how daughters make you a man. By filling you with pride & breaking your heart, wiping moisture from my eyes. I smile seeing Peach come back on. _"_ _I won't ask you to go into details I know you can't, just know Preach that we believe in you, in your team. Whatever the reason god is sending you on this mission. I have faith that he will lead you all home safe"_

" _Your faith is unshakable"_

" _Trust baby trust and love it's the foundation of all stable things in life"_

My heart swelled with pride and confidence " _Is that Jaz in your bed?"_ She shrieks out pulling me from my fantasy that I was having of the two of us reuniting. _"Is she naked?"_ I slam the laptop shut knowing I would pay for this one later.


End file.
